Swan Song
by Heaven O. Waits
Summary: A mysterious messenger appears to a lonley swan.
1. Chapter 1

~Swan Song~

Chapter 1

I hastily twirl my auburn hair into a pony tail and tug on my shorts and slip on my clogs. Running toward the door I grab my keys and visor. I hate to be late. I am always early. It is a trait of mine that I can not seem to ever bend.

I turn onto the gravel road to Jack's Greenhouse. We will be busy today. Spring has arrived. With the many facilities our nursery fills, there would much work to do. I will have little time now for my other job at the library.

I hurry around back and sort my racks to take on my first load to a local home store. I eye the beautiful plants as I shove them in the back of the van. I then toss my gear in the passenger seat and put it in reverse.

I whistle down the road and roll the window down letting the wind sift through my hair. I like my job. I like my life. I get to work usually alone, I get to be outside, I get to get me hands dirty and smell pretty flowers. I turn the radio on and start to bounce my head to a familiar tune as I pull into my destination.

I finish early and find my usual secluded parking spot to eat my lunch and do the daily crossword puzzle. I begin it as I do all the other days, only today I stop holding the pen above the paper. I begin to frown as I read the clues. A odd feeling creeps inside my head as I scroll down. I look side to side in the parking lot with a uneasy feeling like someone is watching me. I can't believe the words in thick black ink. It was as if I had made the puzzle. This was not the first time the words that I had just talked of stared back at me. I solve the puzzle with ease and neatly fold it into my purse. I head back to the nursery for my next load.

"Lillium. Don't forget to water these upon arrival." Jack says as I slam the back door of the van closed. "You got it!" I say and jump back in the van excited for my next destination. I work until sunset and arrange my empty carts back onto the van. I look up to the clouds. Sunsets and sunrises always hold me breathless. I stretch my tired muscles and wiped at my sweaty brow and pull off my visor in deep thought.

I get home around 6 to wagging tails and head bent back in a wolf cry announcing mommy was home. I pet the cats and feed the giddy pack and finally make a quick supper of salad and soup. The animals slowly find their usual perches, beds and begin to relax as I grab my laptop and go online to see if my usual crew was up and lively. I find Garrick was online and quickly send him a hello. He responds back to asking me how r u? I typed back ok usual and then a ... He says what's the ... I type back. Remember the other day when I had written that story on fanfic and asked your opinion. Yeah he types back. Well this sounds odd but today it was like all over this puzzle. Puzzle? He types. Crossword I type back. I do it everyday. It was filled with stuff I had just written. Co-incidence Swan he types back. U r right. I typed back and LOL then I ask him if he had read that book I suggested. Not yet he typed but I will. He then types. I miss you. I smiled and type miss you too. I will be at the library tomorrow and will try to catch u online then. Look forward to it Swan he types. I type a smiley face then a bye. He types a sad face and bye. Garrick amazes me with his knowledge and gentle nature. We met on a hiking page and have grown close. He has read many of the same books, loves poetry and the arts. In just a few months he has become a part of my tiny fragile world. I was just about to log off when my other friend Dark Knight said Hello Swan. How have you been? My heart skips a beat. I have a thing for the BATMAN. Have and always will. The mere mention of that name of Bruce Wayne makes my very palms sweat. It is silly but Oh so true. I type OK just tired. Long day at work. He told me he had read my last story and really liked it. I type a smiley face. I decide to tell him also about the puzzle. Dark Knight types back. Do you have the paper now? I typed back yes. He types back tell me the words again. I typed them. He types that is interesting. He asks if I am up for some roleplay. I typed maybe tomorrow when I am the library. He said he would send me a starter and that he was looking forward to hearing from me. I typed a smiley face and until then. He types take care Swan. I type U2. I log off and lean back in my desk chair staring at the puzzle and fold it up and placed it in inside the desk drawer with the others. I am beat. I need to sleep but my mind as usual is racing. I type up some notes for my fanfiction story and save in in my documents file and head sluggishly to bed at midnight.

I get up at 6am and head straight for the coffee. I grab a mug and spoon some sugar and creamer and scurry to my porch to sit in my usual ritual. I stare at the birdfeeder as the cardinal pair shrill an alert that I had stepped out then slowly the males crest relaxes as his love daintily pecks at the seed. The blue jay gang arrive in a group of seven and wait their turn as I sip my coffee again and look at the sun emerging into the clouds.

I arrive at the library fifteen minutes early and grab my things and arranged my purse, journal, lunch at keys Todd was pulling in and waves as his car slides into to the next employee spot.

"Lillium! How goes it?" My tall dark and shaggy haired co-worker cries. "Okay." I say back. Todd slams the door to his ancient and rusted toyota tercel and laughs. "What is wrong Lily? You can tell me."

Only my closest friends ever called me Lily. My mom loved flowers and picked lilium just for me. She was an exceptional gardner, a forever dreamer, a joyful and giving spirit. The mere whisper of that name made my heart ache in memory of her. "I'll tell you later." I say worried that we may be late as he shrugs and shuffles his wrinkled cargo pants hanging over Vasque hiking boots toward the library entrance.

Chapter 2

Todd tosses me the keys to the drop box as he runs in to turn on the lights. I grab the cart and hoist the precious cargo inside and start toward the aisles. "Lily. Come on... Tell me what is wrong."  
"Alright. But it sounds crazy."  
"Try me!" He says and we sit down behind the desk facing eachother.

"About two months ago I starting noticing familiar words in the crossword puzzle."

"Okay...and?"

" Not like the usual re-used words. I mean things that either I had said in a phone conversation recently, things I had typed in a e-mail to my friends, things in instant messager and even things on my fanfiction stories...even the ones I have saved and not published yet."

Todd nods for me to go on.

"Well today it brought up some other things, deep things like only I would get...things I think about, things I worry over...It is as if this person is trying to communicate to me."

"Now that is freaky. If this guy is some kind of hacker he could gain access from there he got your full name and then hacked your cell. I can help with your computer and you will need to debug the cell, ...but that last part...well how could he know what you think about?"

"It's like he is a profiler..you know like on CSI only he is profiling me...he seems to have figured me out right from my birth to even what I think on my future...it is scarey."

"Do you have any of the puzzles with you?" Todd asks.

"No but I have been saving them after I began to think it was not a coincidence."

"It's okay we can always go back and get them all. I am curious to what messages he is trying to send. How do you feel?"

"Scared...I have never had anyone know so much about me that was a total stranger."

Just then a young blonde guy with dark rimmed glasses and a green army jacket walks in and signs in for the computer. He looks right at me and chills go down my arms. ( Maybe that is him?) I wonder.

I jump as Todd put his arm on my shoulder. "Don't worry Lily we will figure this out."

Todd goes and grabs todays paper and turns it to the Classified section and folds the crossword and slides it my way.

"Tell me what he is saying to you today."

Chapter 3

I wait on mostly regulars who are returning and checking out books and watch as the stranger in the green army jacket slowly grabs his backpack and exits. The library is now filled with patrons, most using our free internet service. I take a minute and log onto to explorer and leave Garrick a message. "I don't think the crosswords are a coincidence. I can prove it. Meet me around 9:30." I then leave Caith a message. I erase it then add it again. I worry about the message but Caith knows how both our accounts were toyed with. We met on facebook. We share not just a fanpage and roleplay. We grew close, very close over the many months. We noticed our roleplay and mail began to disappear. I told him about my myspace page and my old accounts that I had as fanpages that I was blocked from and could not retrieve my images. Caith said he believed me. Caith now runs one page that I was blocked after creating. He even retrieved my photos and has them hidden in an album that only we can view. Many times while chatting we would get booted off as If someone wanted to keep us apart. Caith always listens to me. Caith never faltered when I told him about all my images and mail. Caith is many things to me. He is one of my now closest and dearest. I try to clear my head. I think back to the time I logged into my fanpage on myspace and my mail had already been read. Caith believes now that I am being watched. Caith and I find ways still to talk even after we get booted. I want to tell him about this but...about Caith. He is not well. He had a seizure recently and now his eye is blurry and his muscles ache. He is so far away...He is in Africa and gets little care in clinics. I try not to stay upset. One day Caith says he will move and we can see eachother everday. I tell him how boring my life is but some how he always seems fascinated by me and my dull routined life. He will now know about the paper. I type a message and hit send. I exhale a deep breath and clutch the day's paper and begin to look for clues. Todd sits back down beside me with a book in his hand." Usually it has a theme." I whisper to Todd.

Todd smiles. "Well then, let's crack the code!" While you find the answers, I want to do my own investigating. I mean look." He points to the name under the puzzle. "He has a name also."

I stare at the name.

"Does that name ring any bells Lily?"

"No. None that I recall."

"I am going to see what I can find out about this guy."

"Look...Here's another one. Just the other day I was talking about my story. It is one I cannot seem to complete. It is a saga about Tesla. I point to the clue written as Long story and Todd whispers "saga, okay next." I point to the next clue sphere three letters and whisper "orb" that was how I described the machine. The next I whisper are look at this clue. Words of longing. Eight letters." I write in IMISSYOU." Todd taps the desk with his hands. The next clue I show him is boat's back. I write in STERN. A woman approaches and hands me a book. I scan her card and print up her receipt and thank her. I then lean toward Todd. "My story also has a ship...a time machine, but it is a ship. The ship is has bird-like features...I named it the Epipany." I point the the next clue five letters for flying monster of myth and write "HARPY." I stare at more clues...Three letters for blue. I slowly write SAD. Todd slides his chair closer. "Are you sad?" I nod slowly. "Sometimes." The next is they may clash four letters. I write in EGOs. Todd smiles. I go across to the next clue which is tried to lose six letters. The next clues stir me deep inside as I read on. Desire four letters. I write in WANT. Connecting to its T is REST for the clue take it easy. Unmatched three letters, even score three letters, toe count three letters. I think to myself how I had dreamed of that date and how it would make the perfect date for a wedding... ten, ten , ten. I had wondered if I would become an old spinster. I twirl my pen then look at the bottom of the page . The next is no-no's six letters, stir up six letters. I finish it and tell him the only theme is me. He leans closer. "Who do you miss Lily? Why are you sad?" I shrug. "It's complicated." He sighs and points to the jumble. "Maybe another clue is in there."

We stare in silence as the first word seems to jump from the page. It says DEVEL. I swallow hard. Todd leans on the desk and rubs his hair. "Delve." he says. I write it in. The next is CHITK. I write in thick. The next is EMBACE. We whisper in unison "Became." I stop. "I don't see a theme."  
"The whole thing is creepy Lily. I don't want you getting here early. Try to get here just before opening. I don't like this one bit!"

"I will try but you know how I hate to be late." I say with a giggle.

"Yeah, well...This guy may be watching you not just on the web but in person. Do you have pepper-spray?"

I laugh. "Are you kidding? I would only spray my own face. You know how clumsy I can be."

"Well I can show you how to use it. I really think you should carry it, if not a tazor Lily."

I look up to a tall bearded man holding a book smiling exposing showing yellowed teeth and pulling at his peppered beard. I wonder how long he had been listening. I smile. "Oh. Sorry. " Todd takes is book and scans his card sliding the receipt neatly into the front. The guys pauses staring right back at me. I squirm in my chair. "Thank you and have a nice day." The bearded man tilts back his head and laughs and laughs. "Oh. You too doll." I stare at him as he leaves.

"So I am not crazy?" I ask watching the creepy guy leave.

"Oh. You are crazy, but this time I think someone crazier than you is actually obsessed. I mean Lily. You don't seem to know how many guys even women in here hit on you. You are just too nice to everyone."

Every male that enters now makes me stop and stare. I wonder if it could be him.

Todd re-shelves some carts and slides the empty cart my way. "I can get his background, you know. It is public record. I can also find a photo of him from either staff shots at the newspaper of from yearbooks. That way you can relax."

I tug at my hair and bite my lip. "Thank you Todd."

"Don't mention it Lily." and pushes the cart back toward the periodical wall.

The library has late hours. Todd walks me out to my car at 8:30 looking side to side in the parking lot. "If you want I can follow you home, just to see you get inside okay."

"I'll be okay."

"All right but you have my cell. Call me. I don't care what time it is."

I nod suddenly he gives me a hug. I hold my breath. It has been so long since I have been hugged. He steps back. In the glow of the parking lights I could swear he was blushing just like me.

Chapter 4

I arrive home again and scurry to let the dogs in. I wish I had put up the doggey door so they could come and go but glad that there is no way for an intruder to enter.

I feed and pet everyone then grab my stacks of papers and search. I find an old one from November 27th and try to think back to what I may have been talking about or writing. I look at the clues. Pufrock's creator five letters, three letter for favorite Pet, six letters for sample five letters for marsh plants...I see slowly a tiny theme...my work...I look again 29 down gardener at times. I look at 5 down. Creator of the Joads nine letters and my eyes go wide. I recall talking to Garrick about this. I look at 23 across shiny trifle six letters. I recall telling Garrick about love tokens and tiny baubels. We had conversed about King Arthur that day. My jaw drops as I read 2 down six letters for Galahad's mother. Thirty across seven letters for Coxswain's count. Fourth letter is O for CEO... Clue was Corp. bigwig. I look for any other clues. Fifteen across 6 letters for mensa qualification. "Yes! this guy is smart!" I whisper. I try to think what else Garrick and I had discussed as our conversations were always long and usually un-relating in content. I wondered if I did happen to mention my necklace...If so that would be clue 34 down answer for four letters for Continental Currency. Did I mention that? I then try to recall if I had told him about kayaking and the fish. If so that was 27 down. I will ask him online tonight.

I finish the crossword and head to the jumble. I plan to scribe all the words that fit for me in order. I was edgy but more than that, I actually was curious at what it could all mean. I stare at his name. I decide to run a search. I type in slowly as my hands shake the letters M i k e G a r r i o n.

I get a few hits but non that are for the newspaper. I type in their homepage and bingo there he is. I stare at his picture. He is clean cut wearing a tight fitting shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His face is to the side with hipster black framed glasses. He is holding a pencil in one hand staring at a page in deep thought at his desk. I read his impressive credentials. I type in the school and his class years but can't find up a single article or photo. I look at his name again. Why was there no links?

"It's his pen name!" I scream. My dogs run to my side in alarm as I laugh at my latest discovery. My spy is about to be spied upon.

I pause when I feel a furry paw on my leg announcing a need to go outside. My Jack Russel springs up in tiny bounces like a red rubber ball. I stretch and grab the two leashes hung by the door. I walk around the block thinking about this Mike person and what his puzzles mean. I wonder first how he found me.

I stop in the middle of the road as the dogs pull me slightly forward. (My about me section.) I put that I loved crosswords. If he was searching for people who had similiar interest then that would be listed. I thought to what else I may have typed. My interests in books, movies.

It reminded me of my latest find. Yet another Selina Kyle...my old screen name long ago that I had put in bold caps was a fanpage for her character and that I claimed no right to her as that was owned by DC Comics but someone turned me in and all my roleplaying days ended.

I wait patiently for my dogs to do their business and drift back to my most recent confusion. The alarm when reading on my photos and fanpage this Selina's comments of likes. This persona whom appeared so interested in my art, a photo gift from Caith and yet she never friend requested me. I read her page and was shocked at the similiarity. It was as if she was a copy cat...a single white female and I was the Bridgette Fonda shaking in fear in horror. Caith read her page that day and agreed it was no co-incidence. He knew we had already had enough problems. I read on to see all my favorite playwriters, poets even movie quotes that adore. She even added things that to me are important such as religion, history even politics. It was yet another slap in the face at how scarey the net can be...I slowly transformed intothe Sandra Bullock in The Net. I had blinked in delirium when I saw my favorite charities from my myspace page and read in a stupor at one of my all time favorites that I wrote about from the book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and the movie Bladerunner. I don't believe in co-incidences any more. She even added the abuse as if she read it in my poems and myspace.

I shrug and walk on. (Why are these people following me?) I grab a baggy to grab some goodies and laugh. (Why do they need to shit all over me?)

Chapter 5

I get back to my house and begin a search on puzzles. It was not hard at all to find people with the same interests. Garrick had found me through a hiking group. I think one of these groups this Mike guy must have spotted me. (Could he be this Selina?) Who is anyone really on the web? I recall reading about trapdoor. It was designed for the web but also installed in phones in 2010. If I was being spied on I planned to retaliate. I planned to go full on nerd and get to the bottom of this bottomless black well of grief. I wanted my simple life back, my personal life intact, my dreams left to only me and my hopes left to my own devise. I know now what I must do.

I did a background on puzzles and messages. The dated back heavily in the Cold War and were also used for the FBI or CIA to deliver secret messages. I went through the stacks again. I look at my watch. It was after 9. I decide to go on early. Garrick was already there.

I argue over key words until eventually he types This is strange. We just talked about those topics two days ago.

I typed I told you so. I went back through our old emails I still had and typed in more clues. I then amped it up by adding a recent phone call where we had discussed a meal. The very words appeared.

Swan I plan to pay this guy a visit. In the meantime be careful. He typed.

I will. Just then DarkKnight came on through instant message Hello Swan

I typed Hello

How is the writing going?

Fine

Any more puzzling encounters?

Yes

Such as?

Well I compiled them all. Most match the dates I had stored or published my stories and others were messages I had sent online but the next was of a recent phone conversation.

That is not good.

Swan I don't want to scare you by this but do you live alone?

Yes.

I was afraid you were going to say that

Any possible room-mates or friends who could stay over for a while?

Not really. I work two jobs and my friends all have weird schedules and we rarely see eachother.

I can recommend a good virus protection and you can get help with your phone by taking it back to the supplier.

I guess you can't exactly go to the police with this just yet.

I know. They would think I am crazy.

I wish I could be there to help you. I would give this guy a good pummeling.

LOL Thanks.

Listen I know we always roleplay but if you get scared call me. I know I am way out in California but I am usually up late.

Thanks. I just might.  
:)

I now get a message from Caith.  
I am worried about you. How are you Lily?

I type quickly to DarkKnight G2g

ok be safe Swan and call me!

OK

I type to Caith. I am fine.

Caith types You need to get a restraining order out on this guy.

Caith, a restraining order is for people who have harmed you or are stalking you.

Exactly Lily! He is stalking you.

Well in a way perhaps but I would sound crazy...besides what if I am wrong.

You are not. This guy has been watching you. I don't like it. I wish I could be there to protect you.

Caith don't worry. I am sure this guy is harmeless.

Lily any man has the possibility to be dangerous. Don't ever think that all men are angels...I was even attacked in broad daylight. They had knives. Anything can happen.

OMG! Caith! That is horrible.

Yeah. Sorry to scare you, but there is alot of evil out in the world. I have been witness to it. That is why I want you to get help from the police, if you want then a private detective.

Hey that's a good idea...Have him I will check into that and see how much that may cost...you know I get paid 8/hr so hmmmm we will see.

Please Lily.

OK! OK! I will look into it.

Thank you.

Caith, stop worrying...I will be ok. Gotta go let my dogs out. Talk tomorrow same time?

OK.

ok

bye

Bye Bella

Ciao :)

Chapter 6

I arrived back at Jack's ready for a full day. I was handed the keys to the our biggest van. I loaded it up and headed out. The spring weather gave people a falls sense of gardening. I knew we would probably have more snow but it gave me more hours so who was I to argue.

I finish my first run and stopped for lunch. I pull out my crossword and concentrate deep in thought. I jump when a I see a man standing by my window. 'Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." The stranger say.  
I set the crossword down and eye the parking back parking lot. It is empty. I don't answer. "I noticed your van is from Jack's and wondered if you might now when the Hosta mixes will arrive."  
"Oh. A few more weeks. We still may get one more snow."  
"Thanks."  
"No problem."  
He turns then stops. "You working on the crosswords?"  
"Uhhh yeah."  
"I like those too. Today's is the hardest."  
I nod. "Yes. Sundays are the best."  
"Well thanks again."  
I try to manage a smile.  
He turns as I watch him walk back around the alley. I roll up my window, lock the doors and head back to Jack's.

I grab my next load and head out only this time I keep the windows up and lock the doors. I watch my rear view mirror and pay attention to the people around me as I stack out the plants. I get done as night falls and head back with my empty van. I pull out of Jack's and head home. I remember pulling up to my house to my dogs howling then...everything gets really scary.

I grab my mail and ruffle through the bills. One large red envelope is in the back. I pull it out. My name and address was typed. There is no return address and it has no stamp. I look around in the darkness and fumble with my keys. I flip on the lamp and toss the mail and my purse and keys on my desk and stare at the envelope. My dogs begin to bark loudly wanting to be let in. My hands are shaking as I slowly life up the envelope. I eye it closely. I pause thinking perhaps I should not open it. I think maybe I should...(what? Take it to the police and tell them it may be from the puzzler so they can laugh at me?) I rip it open to find a Valentine Card shaped like a heart. It has a Cupid on the front outlined with tiny bits of lace and glitter. I open the card and across the poem are tiny cutouts. My jaw drops as I look at the letters cut out from the paper. It reads YOu WilL BE mINe!

I drop the card. (What was that? Did I just hear something in the house? Is he here? )

I wait for another noise. Silence. I walk slowly down the hallway. I can hardly breath. My chest is tight as I round the corner to the kitchen. I flip on the light. (nothing!) I grab a knife from the stand on the butcher block and head downstairs. I move slowly down the stairs.

(Oh GOD don't grab my ankles please!) I make it to the floor and run to the door and my two dogs run inside with mouths open and tail wagging. They don't seem alarmed. I slowly relax and slide the knife to a safer position under my wrist. The dogs run full force upstairs. I look into the corners of my basement. The one tiny light leaves too many dark corners. I am alone again.

I sprint back upstairs and bolt the door. I clutch the knife handle tighter. My dogs follow me to the desk. I grab the phone and call Todd.

Ring... Ring(pick up!)Ring...Ring...(pick up!) I get voicemail.

I whisper. "It's Lily. I...I need to talk to you. I think he knows where I live...Uhhhh can you come by?"

I jump when my cat thumps the floor landing off the sofa and scurrying toward my leg. The animals sense I am upset. I need to get out of here!

I jump when my cell rings.

"Hello"

"Lily! Lily! I am on my way! Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I think so." I pace back and forth in the living room. Thephone cuts off.

"Todd?"

I look at the phone. I look at contacts and get ready to punch his name when it rings.

"Todd...We must have got cut off."

A deep voice whispers "This isn't Todd! Did you like the card?"


	2. Chapter 2

~Swan Song part 2~

Chapter 7

That was the last thing I recalled until now. Where am I? I must have fainted. I woke up and Todd was running inside the house. He made me call my friend Claire to stay over and said he would be sleeping in his car outside. I told him he could stay on the couch but her refused. He said he would have a birdseye view of the door and mailbox if this creep came around.

Claire argued that we should call the cops but I argued that once again I had no proof. Yeah I had a card but it didn't say who it was from and it was not worded as theatening. Claire and I grabbed blankets and lay feet to feet across the sofa with the TV blaring until sunup. I wake up and grab my robe and walk outside at 6 a.m.

Todd was awake and getting out of his car stretching. "Todd thank you so much for doing this!"

"Don't mention it Lily. I want to kick this guy's ass!"

I stop realizing I have never seen Todd mad. "I have a automated coffemachine. Come on in and grab a cup."

"Sounds good."

I check my phone biting my lip. Garrick had called while I was asleep. I called him back. He was freaking out. He said he wanted to come over. He also was angry that I had not called and that Todd had been the one I called. He went apeshit when I told him he had done a stake-out watching the house all night. "That's it! Look I know we have not known eachother a long time but to me the last few months we wrote on the internet and our two dates, well I thought we had something special.

"We do Garrick. I find it hard to stop talking to you, you and I have so many of the same interests...You are wonderful..but Caithe He cuts me off. "Sorry I am being selfish. You are upset. This guy is a fucking oooops I mean a freaking maniac! I want to be there to protect you. If you will let me. Look I can help Todd. He must be tired."

"okay." I say sheepishly.

"Give me the directions."

Claire nods a big no as I pull on my visor. "Oh no you don't. You are calling in today!"

I huff and stand tilting my hips. "Uh no I am not. I have bills to pay!"

Claire looks at Todd.

Todd sighs. "I always let Lily decide what is best for her."  
I grin and grab my keys.

"Relax. I will be fine." I reach into my purse and pull out a tazor Todd gave me. "See."

"Call me when you get there!" Claire shouts.  
"See you tonight!" Todd shouts

"Okay!"

I walk toward my car as Garrick is pulling up. He rushes out of the car and hugs me tight. "Oh Lillium, ..I was so worried about you!" He pulls back and looks into my eyes.

"I am okay."

"Where are you going?"

"To work."

"I don't think so."

I turn and frown. "Garrick know this. You shall never dictate my life. I am going to work and that's that!"

I turn to walk to my car when he grabs and kisses my hand.

Todd is sipping his coffee grinning.

"Be careful please. Call me if you need anything!"

"Okay...Now I have to go! I hate to be late!" I turn and see his sad hazel eyes and give him a quick hug then run to the car. Work was long and I watched every guy that came within a mile. I was exhausted by the time I got home. We have a nice dinner and the four of us laugh and talk until I realize I forgot to message Caithe. My stomach churns. I excuse myself and log on. He has left me three messages. The last one he sounded so distraught. I hate myself. I hate myself for upsetting him. I slap my forehead with my palm in disgust. ( Why am I always hurting those I care about the most?) I tell him what had happened and he didn't want me to log off. We chat for over an hour then I tell him that Claire, Garrick and Todd are here watching me. He gets mad. (Here we go again!) He asks me if I had a thing for Todd or Garrick. I tell him I care for them both. He types back that is not what I mean.

I stare at the screen and take a deep breath. I stand then tip-toe down the hall and watch the trio. My heart skips a beat watching them in there laughing and telling stories. Todd is doing his goofy improv as Garrick tilts his head back in laughing approval and Claire giggles kicking her legs. I walk back and type I care for both of them deeply with the very depths of my soul.

Caithe is irate. How can you do this to me? I thought we were going to be together?

I type back Calm down. I still want that.

You can't have me and Garrick and Todd Lily! It doesn't work that way!

I type then I would rather be alone than have to choose. I would rather not have one if I cannot have you all. Don't you see. I cannot choose, not right now...You all mean too much to me. I don't want to lose any of you.

Caithe types back in caps OMG u just met this guy and now you are in love? Lily, you can't be serious and Todd? You said he was like your best friend and only a co-worker.

"I never realised it until recently Caithe. I am so sorry. If you leave me know that it is not what I want.

Nothing happened out of the ordinary. Todd and Garrick paid Mike a visit but came up empty handed. They even said the guy seemed likable and honest that he had no idea what we were talking about. He said he just picks random words that fit.

I worked as usual until dark and head back to Jack's Nursery. I wanted to run by the craft store to get some supplies for a birthday gift. Tomorrow would be St. Patrick's Day. I remember turning onto the gravel road to the greenhouse...then...

Chapter 8

I wake up here.

I am in a basement. It is cold and dark. The walls are old concrete and there are no windows. The door is steel and the handle broken off. I huddle in the corner and cry. I had let my guard down. I got careless and now he is going to kill me. I start to sob rocking myself back and forth. (Where am I? Why? Oh..GOD help me!) I sit up startled at the sound of footsteps. (It's him!) I hold my breath. I can see a faint light appear under the door. I can see two black spaces. He is standing by the door. I look around. There is nothing I can use for a weapon. My purse is in the van. I crouch down in fear. I close my eyes. I wait to hear the door open but it doesn't. I stare back under the door. I hear the sound of foot steps then and door slam. I start to breath. (He's gone!) I run around the room feeling the walls. Solid. I stand on my tip-toes and feel the ceiling. It is solid. (I am trapped!) I fall back down to my knees thinking of Caithe, of Garrick, of Todd. I miss them. I start to cry realizing I may not live to tell them all how very much they mean to me. I reflect and smile thinking of Caithe and all the heartfelt moments we shared. I think back to that empty place in time until it became just Caithe and I. I recall how he would stay up late just to talk to me and how often he put a smile to my face. Caithe who worries of me and cares so deeply for me. Caithe who is my rock. Caithe who struggles to fill the void of our distance in our moments in chats...Caithe who writes me in my absence and always calls me Bella. Caithe the artist with drawings that are works of art, Caithe with his stories that I so love to read, Caithe with his heart of gold that makes me sad as I think about Garrick. I never thought I would meet someone like him but I did through a local hiking group. He emailed me and I began to talk to him. Right off the bat he made me smile...He made me laugh outloud. It had been so long since I had really laughed. Later I found out he how very deep he is..how passionate his ...He too is an artist. It appears I have a huge problem... I rocked back and forth and slowly I realized that I also missed Todd. Todd, my trusty co-worker, Todd who shared code words with me, shared his lunch with me, Todd who always listened even when I may be wrong, Todd with the never-ending patience of a monk..Todd that applauded my spunk and independance. Todd, Garrick and Caithe understood why I liked to be alone. All men are bright, love the library. Todd..reliable, simple, goofy...I started to ball. I never realized how much I cared for each of them. I would rather lose an arm, my eyes, than one of them...but it was too late. I would never meet Caithe and walk in the rain, I would never get to dance with Garrick, I would never get to hug Todd ever again. I cry until I fall asleep.

Chapter 9

I wake up and can see a faint glow under the door. I slide toward it and my hand land in a plate of food. I am scared to eat it. I slide my hand slowly on the cold floor and find a glass. It is filled with water. I am thirsty. I reason if it is poison then maybe it would be easier than torture and to drink it I move slowly and my finger touch what feels like a baked potatoe. I slide my hands and feel warmth. I slide my face down. I smell steak. I fumble and feel silverware on the side. (a knife! He gave me a knife!) I gulp the drink. I break the glass into tiny sharp shards and hold the knife in the darkness practicing stabbing forward. (I will get out of here!) I hear a loud muffled voice say "Lily. Don't even think about using that knife on me. I am watching you with infrared. Soon you will become me and I will become you!"

I stand and scream in the darkness "WHO ARE YOU? LET ME OUT!" I bang at the door loudly hitting it until my hands are raw. I slump to the sounds of laughter then silence.

Chapter 10

I wake up struggling to see. My vision is blurry. I look around. I see a doctor. Did I wreck? I try to open my mouth but a tube has been placed inside it. I see a young nurse attatching a IV bag to a metal holder. She walks away and bends forward to a table.

"Relax Vaughn. It's sleepy time.

(Vaughn? Who is Vaughn?)

The nurse walks closer holding a needle. I toss my head slowly (no! )

The nurse says in my ear "Mrs. Villanova, you are going to look exquisite, not that you need it and I am a HUUUUuuuuge fan."

I frown. (Who? Who is Mrs. Villanova?) I gasp to speak but the tube is in my mouth. I start to kick but my legs are heavy. My eyes start to droop. (No! No! What are they going to do to me? ) My neck starts to sag like a baby's neck. I strain and in the window I see my reflection. My eyes go wide in horror. There are purple lines drawn all over my forehead, under my eyes, across me cheeks and chin.

I fall into a deep sleep. I dream of the puzzler. I see Mike in the distance. He is following me. I try to run but he keeps gaining on me. I slip in a deserted alley. He grabs me and stares down at me. His eyes look evil behind those dark framed glasses. I start to kick and shove him off me. I hear voices. I hear Garrick. I hear other men "She's waking up! Oh! Thank GOD! OHHH poor Lily!"I can hear Todd. "She's going to be groggy. Try not to upset her. She has no idea what has happened."

I came to. I was still lying on a hospital bed but the IV and tube was gone. I stared as three men snuggled close to me. I gasped holding hands. I had never felt so much love. I staree up into their eyes. They were filled with tears. "Caithe...How...Garrick where am...Todd what is going on?"

"Rest please Caithe whispered we will tell you soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 11

It turned out that my kidnapper was actually the legendary best seller author Vaughn Villanova. I now had a chance to visit with her after she was incarcerated. She would be out soon. It was only a kidnapping charge. They bargained down my too close for comfort facelift and invasion of my privacy for 2 years in a private facility the same one it was rumoured Martha Stewart was sent. I stare at the woman's face I had often stared at on the back of her book jackets. She was perfectly poised and even without makeup she looked regal. Her hair was not styled and her eyes wore no false eyelashes but that captivating devilish face and her sultry voice made me quiver as I entered my most prized authors sanctum.

She motioned for me to sit. I waited as she stared out into space then began her tale. She tossed her arms out like a ballerina on stage explaining how she had fallen in love with Mike Garrion. They had met at a book convention and debated the night away with a few drinks that led to a few more. The next day they spent touring through Paris, the city of Love, the next they were inseparable. "People thought we were husband and wife." She said tilting her head back in a daunting flit. She twirled her gargantuan rock on her finger and said "but my husband is Senator Villanova."

She tugged at a wisp of auburn hair. "While I was dancing under the stars with my lover, my real husband, the beloved Victor Villanova was under his little star of movies...I was actually thrilled to have a way out."

She tilts her head and stares at me with her emerald cat eyes grinning. "Oh I wasn't shocked that he had a lover. In fact it helped my career. I am a professional, dear. I applaud my husbands efforts just as he does mine but we have not been intimate in years."

I fidget slightly in the hard metal seat.

"I was not surprised to discover SHE was a HE. It didn't matter." She slid effortlessly sideways with slinking legs and turned to the side like a magazine centerfold. "We were roomates by then, partners who shared many goals and supported eachother. I do not dispise him. I admire him!"

I nod in agreement but don't dare interrupt...so a divorce would not do for him publicity wise nor I. I had to be discreet. I wanted to be with Mike but I attracted too much attention. Both of us had worked to hard to throw it all away on a scandalous rumour. I tried to have him visit me in the Hamptons but the Paparazzi were circling like vultures. I missed him terribly. Then one day while I was bored I went online and began to read some fanfiction. You caught my attention. I read into your stories the a deep meaning behind them. I realized that this life I have was not the one I wanted. I wanted to be with Mike. I wanted a more simple life. A life where I could come and go without being bombarded by the tabloids. I wanted to be able to hold my lover's hand in the park. I wanted to...Well..  
She reached and grabbed a cigarette and lit it. "I wanted your life!"

"Mine? I still can't believe that!"

"Oh. Well most think the life of a celebrity is grand but it has its drawbacks. You can never have a bad day, you can never show any real emotion, you become a robot...Dear don't you see. You are as free as a bird. You can do whatever you want. No once would notice that you quit your job. She inhaled deeply. " No one would notice that you moved in time. You are a total recluse yet you dream and write like an explorer, a cosmopolitan, a exciting adventurer and skilled seductress!" She eyes me up and down and tilts one brow and smirks blowing a tiny circle of smoke into the air. "We really are not so unlike as you see. I read of your journeys to Capri, your dreams. I read of your knights in shining armor, my Dear. She tosses an ash into the tray. " I gave hints on the phone to my Mikey...the messages I knew would lure you in. Lily, your life was boring, ordinary. I will admit I was shocked that my plan did not work. Your men were quite crafty finding me via the web. That Caithe is a regular Sherlock Holmes finding my spytool to read while you are online . I love a man with brains. I only messed up that one time with a call...the day I abducted you but Garrick traced it. I had no idea your cell was in your back pocket until we had already arrived. I smashed it to bits, but it was too late. I saw him kiss you hand. A oldfashioned noble gesture. ..I love a man with manners... strong willed but gentle and ahhhhh Todd how he guarded your house after I left. A real bookworm and who loves your spunk... I must say I am impressed my dear! I was just trying to give us both what we wanted...You wanted my life and I yours... You could finally sail away with your Bruce Wayne."

"You can't just steal someone's identity. My life belongs to me. I never said I wanted to be you, no disrespect Mrs. Villanova."

She laughed. "My dear you know that is a lie...and everything, everyone has a price and I can afford it!"

I nodded a no. "People are not bought."

She blew a big puff of smoke in my face. "Oh now don't be naive! People are bought everyday dear. Celebrities, singers, dancers, models, you name it they are all for sale."

"I'm not!" and I got up and walked away. She was laughing then started singing something about there goes my little swan...

Chapter 12

I never saw her after that but continued to read her stories. As if impossible her work only got better. I worked harder every year to perfect my writing. It became once again the one outlet to hold me together.

I thought back about Vaughn and my close call with the scapel. She had so many surgeries done that the plastic surgeon thought I was her. I thought we had similar features but I was 5'10" and she was 5'8". I had hazel eyes, she had green. She had the skin of a maiden and the firmmess that collagen and botox refined to an art. She was flawless, I was flawed and yet it could have happened. We did look like sisters and with the aid of a master plastic surgeon I could become her.

She was right that my life was simple and that only a few people would ever notice I was gone. I never admitted to her how much I thought of her world as appealing. I never told her that yes I always dreamed of romance and Knights. I never told her how sad my heart ached alone in the night or how hurt and alone at times I truelly felt. She was right that I grumbled at times working two jobs and barely making ends meet. She was right that I wanted to get away and discover far off lands. She was right that I was a sappy romantic.

I didn't because that would be admitting deep down that she was right.

Deep down we were...

alike...

Deep down I had always wanted to be like her.

The warm summers in the Hamptons always made me open every window in the house. I type away facing the ocean. The spacious french doors are open allowing the breeze to float in as I type my final chapter.

I lean my head back and slowly type Chapter 13

... and in the wind sang the haunted cry of the swan. The swan who thought it had lost its mate. The swan who cried in rage, sang in the rain as it could not cry, the swan who ached in the storm. The swan who dared to spread it wings and fly for safe harbor. The swan that was battered and tossed in the torrent. The Swan that flew until its heart was about to burst. The Swan that flapped slowly downward about to give out in the darkness.

The Swan that landed roughly down on the cold hard ground. The brave Swan that now blinked his beady eyes, nuzzling the long neck of his love... Together again... The Swan that now heaved his chest and proudly raised his neck and with a angels trumpet he announces to his mate his final Swan song.

I felt two warm hands on my shoulders. "You want to take a walk on the beach?"

I turned and smiled. "I thought you would never ask!"

I set the manuscript down on top of my last bestseller piles and step out into the bright sunshine and smile. 


End file.
